Mother's Day. Every year at this time well meaning, well intentioned friends and family ask repeatedly if I'm okay since my mother's passing 7 years ago. It's very sweet and appreciated but not necessary. My favorite is when they invite me to events with their own mothers. As sweet as that is it's not the least bit appealing to me. I usually spend the day by myself doing whatever I want.
First of all, I count myself lucky I had my mother until I was well into my 20's. My grandmother died when my mother was 5 and my mother never really got over it. (Getting over a death is subjective for anyone but young ones it's different.) I had her for the years I needed her most...
Second, she was in pain. To wish she were still alive would include her being in constant pain and all the grief this brings.As I get older I get more selfish but when it comes to the people I love most (VERY chosen few) I am not, at all. I was prepared for her death, as prepared as one can be. I let her go when she took her last breath.
Unless you've lost someone close to you it seems you just don't get that it's not always the obvious days (Mother's Day, Christmas, their birthday...etc) when you miss your loved one. It's the random moments.
What people don't understand is that I'm fine for Mother's Day. Sure I may tear up a bit, I loved her and miss her every day...I may even cry. The days that get me the most are the days I see someone who looks like her in a crowd and I get really excited only to realize that's not her. Or the days when something, good or bad, happens and I realize I can't tell her about it.Or when I think about my future and know she'll never be there to share in my day. Or the days I'm just sad and I need a hug....there is something about a mother's hug that always made things better, even as an adult. So far no one has filled that spot and I'm not sure that spot can be filled.
This year I'll be spending Mother's Day weekend with the women in my family...a fun brunch for the aunts and godmothers.The day of I'll spend with a friend who lost her mother a few years ago...this day is still hard for her. I'll be fine, most likely because I know she needs me to be. I'm okay with that.
Who knows, maybe our mom's are hanging out, wherever they are. = )
First of all, I count myself lucky I had my mother until I was well into my 20's. My grandmother died when my mother was 5 and my mother never really got over it. (Getting over a death is subjective for anyone but young ones it's different.) I had her for the years I needed her most...
Second, she was in pain. To wish she were still alive would include her being in constant pain and all the grief this brings.As I get older I get more selfish but when it comes to the people I love most (VERY chosen few) I am not, at all. I was prepared for her death, as prepared as one can be. I let her go when she took her last breath.
Unless you've lost someone close to you it seems you just don't get that it's not always the obvious days (Mother's Day, Christmas, their birthday...etc) when you miss your loved one. It's the random moments.
What people don't understand is that I'm fine for Mother's Day. Sure I may tear up a bit, I loved her and miss her every day...I may even cry. The days that get me the most are the days I see someone who looks like her in a crowd and I get really excited only to realize that's not her. Or the days when something, good or bad, happens and I realize I can't tell her about it.Or when I think about my future and know she'll never be there to share in my day. Or the days I'm just sad and I need a hug....there is something about a mother's hug that always made things better, even as an adult. So far no one has filled that spot and I'm not sure that spot can be filled.
This year I'll be spending Mother's Day weekend with the women in my family...a fun brunch for the aunts and godmothers.The day of I'll spend with a friend who lost her mother a few years ago...this day is still hard for her. I'll be fine, most likely because I know she needs me to be. I'm okay with that.
Who knows, maybe our mom's are hanging out, wherever they are. = )
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